by Alexandra Rutkowski

I wrote about this last year, but it’s been on my mind since then, and especially so for the past few months, that I wanted to put it down here again as a reminder for myself.

There are a lot of things that terrify me, the future being one of them. I’m graduating in a matter of days, and the unknown is scary. Feeling like you don’t have a specific call or direction to go in is even scarier.

But I found one verse in Psalms that I didn’t ever remember reading before. It keeps coming back each night and morning.

“On the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.”

I love this verse. It’s changed a lot about the way I pray and try to approach things. I’ve been reading this verse each night and choosing to put my focus to just that- meditating on who He is and what He’s done.

Who He is… now that’s something that makes my head hurt. I’m sitting here, completely overwhelmed. Where do I even start? How could I ever even begin to comprehend who He is? I’ve got this tiny idea of Him, but it doesn’t even come close. He’s far greater and more powerful than everything I can think of. He spins universes in His hands. He creates out of nothing. When I think about who He is, it keeps me up. Now, I’m definitely a faucet. When I start to think about who He is, the tears start coming. And if you know me at all, that’s not hard to imagine at all. But thinking about who God is, it really does keep me up at night. I just remember sitting cross legged on my bed, moving back and forth from anticipation, laughing and crying out of happiness and awe, asking God a million different questions about who He is.  I want to know. I want to know. I want to know more!! When I think about just who He is, suddenly all my fears and problems are eclipsed by who He is. I have a God who is far greater than the universe, much less my fears.

What He’s done… now that. The cross. His sacrifice. His Son. How can we just talk about those things so casually? It’s Easter weekend and even though we talk about it a lot, I feel like we still don’t get it most of the time (I’m including myself in this). I really don’t think we’ll ever understand the magnitude of it this side of heaven. And it’s not just the fact that the God of the universe stepped in our fallen world to save us from eternal death… it’s what He’s still doing now. It’s the daily bread, the daily provision. It’s the miracles He’s worked. It’s everything He’s done in the past. The reminder that He’s always provided and He’s never forgotten. He’s never late, nor is He early (like Gandalf). When I sit down and think of all He’s done for me? When I remember… how can I doubt? I am reminded that my God has never forgotten me or failed to meet any of my needs in the past, even in the midst of all the stupid situations I’ve gotten myself into (don’t even get me started). No matter the situation, never once has He failed me. He’s never not provided. He’s Jehovah-jireh. And when I just take the time to remember that, all those fears and doubts diminish and are replaced by perfect peace.

I’m still terrified, and honestly, I’m completely embarrassed by my lack of faith a ton of the time. But choosing to focus on these two things, it starts to realign your perspective. And it’s absolutely beautiful.

 

“On the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.”

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