by Alexandra Rutkowski

The will of God is a terrifying thing somehow. Beautifully terrifying. I’m always been pretty spontaneous and adventurous, but long-term, I’ve always looked for security. A plan. A mapped out outline of my future. At least an idea of what it’s going to look like. Or at least which direction to go. It’s scary not knowing. I’m coming to the place where I’ve got to have some sort of idea… but it’s not there. My future is basically a blank canvas with which God can do whatever He pleases. And although that concept is beautiful, it’s also scary. This is where my trust in Him is tested. 

I’ve always dreaded the question: What are you going to do with your life? Lately, I’ve given the honest answer of whatever it is God wants. Seems like a copout answer, yes, but it’s true. I’m not unfamiliar with the fact that our plans aren’t God’s. My whole future was completely turned around last minute by God saving me from my own plans. And how grateful I am for it! Praise You Jesus. But lately, my concentration of study and current academic path has been questioned in regards to practical ministry in the future. The puzzle pieces don’t seem to connect anywhere, and looking at it without God, nothing could come of it. But the only thing I can cling to is that assurance that I have that for some reason I know God has called me to this path. This confusing path that I don’t understand. But somehow, sometime, it’ll work out. My heart is burdened and weary from worrying. I feel like I have a blindfold over my eyes, and not having the slightest idea of what’s ahead can be discouraging. I need to learn to trust You, Father. Every step of the way. I’m torn between what my head thinks and my heart knows. 

I wish I could seem like I had it all together in this. But I’m not that kind of Christian. I’m a work in progress and I can feel the Potter’s Hands molding me. In unexpected ways. In painful, stretching ways. But in preparation for a beautiful result.

 It’s so easy to say that you trust God completely with your future. But when you get closer to the time when you’ve got to start making some decisions, that’s really tested. I’m learning that now. But all my doubts, fears, and worries… they’ve all come down to a few things in the end. All I know is that my Father is mighty and good. And He has a plan. My Father’s got this covered. My Father’s holding me in His hand and by my hand. My Father treasures and loves me enough to guide me through under His protection. His perfect plan. He loves me.

This is when and where I find comfort in His arms. We serve a mighty… and a gentle, loving God.

And He warms me with His joy.