by Alexandra Rutkowski

Sick day. Foggy day. Rainy day. But beautiful day.

I love worship chapel. An hour isn’t ever long enough to spend singing to our Lord. Please don’t think I’m hating on contemporary worship or anything, but… at the same time I felt limited. If we just SAW for a moment the presence of the Lord before us, we wouldn’t be quietly mumbling Hillsong choruses, we would be proclaiming His praises with every ounce of strength in our bodies. In awe of His glory. In awe of His beauty. We wouldn’t be singing about ourselves, we would be shouting His greatness with all that we are. If only we could see!! I’m afraid we’ve almost made worship into a formula. During the time when we’re all called to silent meditation, I was holding back so hard so I wouldn’t start shouting His praises at the top of my lungs.

I got a nasty cold this morning, and the muggy cold weather didn’t help much with that. But I couldn’t sleep even though I skipped half my classes, so I called my sister to just try to explain everything that God’s been opening my eyes to since our study of Romans. I hung up the phone and just started crying. It’s so beautiful, but I can’t even begin to comprehend it. I was worshipping in my room, but wanted to proclaim it with all that I have. To praise Him. I feel trapped inside this mortal body that cannot express what I long to. It was overflowing.

Still in my pajamas, I grabbed a towel, ran outside amidst some trees near the back of campus, and just shouted my praise to the King. With all that I had. There’s a fallen tree that I loved to sit by and pray last semester, and when I went there today, it was all gone, except for the fallen trunk. Good enough. I laid my towel there and worshipped. Sat in His presence. Sat in silence. Cried. Laughed. Worshipped. 

I sounded like a toad since I’ve got a cold, but I doubt He cared at all. 

I closed my eyes, arms outstretched, and sang to Him with every ounce of strength in my body. Praised Him. Shouted at the top of my lungs everything that my heart was longing to express. It started pouring rain, but going back wasn’t even an option. I couldn’t leave. 

Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. 

My glorious King standing before me. 

Hours went by.

The sky was completely dark, it was pouring rain, and the ground was one big muddy puddle, but I got up and danced for my King. No balance, I fell over a handful of times, but I kept dancing for Him. Arms outstretched to heaven shouting his praise with the words heavy on my heart, spinning around, singing to my King. Oh Lord how I long to bring You pleasure! 

In a single moment, I was so overwhelmed by the presence of my Savior that I fell to my knees before Him. In a deep puddle of mud. Face flat I worshipped Him. And I stayed there in His presence. I didn’t want it to end. 

Oh how time flies in the presence of the King. How beautiful, how beautiful, how truly beautiful He is.

Hours had gone by. I’d lost track of time. Pitch black, not sure how to get back to campus, I stood up, still worshipping. 5’1, still wearing my pajamas, soaking, muddy, and singing with all I had and laughing from joy, I made my way back to my room. But it didn’t end there. I worshipped until I had no more strength left in this mortal body, and then I just sat in His presence and listened.

I’m now on a steady diet of cottage cheese and Nyquil, but oh, how it was worth it.